is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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