I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
