If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
