do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
