My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
