can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
