Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
