First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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