I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
