we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
