i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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