do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
