1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm too high and old for this...
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