i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
