Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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