I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
