so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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