i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
