Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
