She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
