Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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