fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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