if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize