I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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