I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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