There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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