Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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