jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
