In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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