i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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