Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
