Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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