Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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