I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
