I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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