I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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