Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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