This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
