I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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