Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
