He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
