There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
