Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize