Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
