your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
