omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
