They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
