he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
two words: eviction party
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
