Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
