I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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