I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
