Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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