Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
