can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
