i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
