We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
