Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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