thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
