hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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