I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
