i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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