you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
