She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
