It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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