i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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